Sooo its official...Post Natal Depression has finally been officially diagnosed.
After a trip to the psychiatric nurse at my doctors, I have PND (I knew already) and Iv been referred for CBT.
Im relieved, glad and proud of myself for going (its only took 3 years...) and getting the road to recovery sorted *happy dance*
I didn't really like the nurse though, she wasn't very child-friendly in her views; she thinks I should wean DS and that hes 'draining me dry' as 'all children do when allowed free range of breastmilk'. This deeply offended me and I found myself quite angry with her.
Im not sure why I expected anything different, but it always saddens me when breastfeeding is seen as a problem. Some days breastfeeding my children is the only thing I do right so no way in hell would I consider weaning. DS isnt ready, and despite horrific nursing aversion, nor am I really.
She suggested anti depressants, which I declined. I don't feel I need them whilst Im in the right mental space to deal with the cause of this.
She didn't support my decline, stating Im trying to heal with only half the cure by only accepting CBT.
She wants to see me again in 2 weeks, and regularly after to keep an eye on my moods, Im having my first CBT appointment next week too so fingers crossed it goes well.
After a stressful morning there, I had a stressful afternoon with DS. He was tired and gets aggressive when tired & I dont deal with being hit very well.
I ended up shouting, crying as he'd headbutted me and then sending him to bed :( not very gentle parenting at all, although guilt made me nurse him to sleep so he went to sleep feeling a bit more loved than he had done earlier.
Weve had a good evening since, reading lots of books and we shared dinner together, so Im feeling better but still very ridden in guilt.
I need to find a way to curb my anger, it scares me sometimes that Im so angry with my children :( I dont want to be the shouty mum I am at the moment but I find it hard not to be *sigh*
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