And another crap night is on the cards

I have come to end of my tether with the lack of sleep. I'm averaging 3/4hrs broken sleep a night, no matter what time I go to sleep, these 2 just tag team me all night, for no reason I can determine and I have just HAD IT!

I need sleep, it's all I think about. Maybe if I got more, I could take them out to places that would tire them more, so maybe they'd sleep more?

I'm still feeling very lonely, physically lonely. I wish I had real friends, not just mummy ones from groups etc, but real friends, who I could cry/laugh/share with, over cake ;)

I took my tired, stressed and emotionally empty state out on Halen tonight and I feel CRAP for it. It's not his fault Im on my 3rd  solo bedtime whilst OH goes to band practise, nor that Im feeling overwhelmed and need some TLC and sleep desperately.

Hopefully I'll feel refuels after a bit of a break tomorrow, my inlays are taking both kiddos out to soft play whilst me and OH go back to look at a car we both like for my first car :)

All My Friends Are Dead

Or so it feels...

This has been a bad week, a very bad week. I'm feeling very lonely and ignored by everyone.

I'm so sick of OH doing late nights at work, and staying in bed all morning, I'm so sick of being alone with grumpy tired children, I'm sick of not having enough money and I'm sick of not having any god damn friends!

I'm trying really hard to be positive at the moment, but it's so hard when I feel so negative about myself.
I've been trying to set up a home education group my end of town, and it's not going very well. There's been a lot of interest but in reality, hardly anyone came. The ones that did come then slagged it off afterwards and that's made me feel shitty!

I'm trying to completely change how I'm living my life. I'm stuck in this negative, bored and lonely life and I want out!

I'm trying to:

Stop eating junk food,
Get rid of useless "friends" who in fact just seem to mock me, or ignore me
Get out the house more
Try to be more patient with my kids
Get to bed earlier
Stop letting the TV babysit my children
Be more sensible with money

And that's it for now...